Dedicated to: Akanishi Jin. Happy Birthday, Jin! This is for you! <3

Chapter 27:

“But, can you all listen to me for a while?”

“Sure! Kame-chan, we are here for you. We will listen to you.” Junno said and flashed his warm smile.

“Thank you…” Kazuya started to tell them the whole incident in details. After listening to Kazuya, Tat-chan was the first one to respond.

“Well, from what I have understand, I have always feel that Jin likes you, Kame-chan. Believe it or not, it’s up to you. I am just telling you my view. So in other words, to me, it seems like Jin is feeling jealous of Keita whom he presumed is the person you, Kame-chan likes. That’s why he got confused and hurt witnessing all those, thus, ended up in avoiding you these few days. And that explained pretty well why Yamapi would say Jin needs some time to sort out his thinking, isn’t it?”

“Kame-chan, I think you should start clearing things up with Jin and Keita. Don’t leave things as it is now, especially regarding love. It can cost you many things without you knowing it.” Junno offered.

Kazuya nodded his head once and frowned more.

“Kame-chan, I think, I don’t have any nice advice to offer you but I will just love to inform you that you always have our support. Okay?” Koki assured him with a buddy hug.

“Yeah… Kame-chan, I agreed with them. But the most important thing is do you like Keita or Jin?”

Kazuya shot his head up and looked at Nakamaru in big eyes.

‘I like Keita… or Jin?’

This question has never even once crossed Kazuya’s mind as he never really believes in love. But now that Nakamaru had asked him this, he seriously got stuck in that. He doesn’t have any answer at all.

“I don’t know, Maru… I really don’t. But one thing for sure is the way I like Keita is not in terms of love. I just like him as being part of my family. As for Jin, I really don’t know. I just know that when Jin is happy, I will be happy. If Jin is sad, I will feel sad too. If Jin cries, I will cry with him. He affects me a lot… It’s like, as long as Jin finds his happiness, it is equivalent to me getting it as well. I… its really unexplainable.”

“Well, although that wasn’t so much of an answer to my question but Kame-chan, have you heard it? That’s your own answer to your own heart.” Nakamaru emphasized his point by pointing his index finger to Kazuya’s left chest.

“Kame-chan, haven’t you heard this cliché before? ‘Follow your feeling, follow your heart.’ It will never be wrong. It will only be wrong when you choose to ignore it.” Ueda said gently.

“So… my heart is telling me…” Kazuya moved his right palm over his left chest where his heart is beating at, “the person I like is… Jin?”

Silence greeted him so he looked up to see four smiling faces nodding their heads in grace simultaneously.

“Bystanders can always see the most clearly.” Junno added.

“But… I think the problem now is… Jin, he misunderstood me and Keita. What should I do?”

“Kame-chan, we as the bystanders, can only guide you along. We can’t give you the exact answer or solution to your heart problem. But we certainly hope that you will be alright, so what we recommend is that maybe the first thing you ought to do now is to confirm that there is indeed nothing else existing between you and Keita. When things are being confirmed from his side, then you can start to deal with that lovesick Bakanishi Jin. You understand?” Ueda advised seriously.

Kazuya nodded his head slowly. “I…” Kazuya started but he doesn’t know what he should say, nothing came out from his mouth.

Koki patted Kazuya on his shoulder and gave a warm light shake. “Don’t worry, Kame-chan! Things will go well. Have more confidence in yourself.”

Kazuya gave a smile of gratitude and nodded.

“But… wait! How do we know whether does Jin likes Kame-chan or not?” Junno suddenly shouted in innocence abruptly.

“Crap! YOU STUPID JUNNO!”

~*~

Kazuya went home that night and pondered about what Ueda and his group had told him, on his big bed. Their words kept playing themselves in a repetition mode that made Kazuya felt vexed. He really was at a loss. He still hasn’t come up with any idea of how to solve this whole issue!

Keita.

He was very sure, hundred percent sure that he likes Keita! But… 'like' as in not that kind of ‘like’. But whether Keita thought the same or not, was a different case here. That is why, he doesn’t believe in ‘love’ so much. Ever since he was young, Kazuya always know that it’s definitely a hard thing for him to attain ‘love’. Yes, he has got his friends’ love but his family’s love. That’s… hard to judge. Yes, he received his parents’ love but not in the way he wanted. Nevertheless, he never despised it in any way. He appreciates his parents’ love to him irregardless of anything.

So that’s why Kazuya was never fond of letting the word ‘love’ lingered around him too much. He prefers to use ‘like’ more than ‘love’ as he feels that ‘like’ doesn’t carry such a heavy responsibility as ‘love’.

To him, ‘love’ can be enlightened in many ways because there are many ways of love. Love can exist between friends, between families, between the treasured belongings and of course, with the only special loved one. The love you shared with the special person means that you two hold a special bond and no matter what's going to happen, you will always feel the happiness.

However, he has never believed in the theory of the ‘special person’ or ‘special bond’ till he had met Jin.

Everything took a big turn from there then.

Jin.

Just how did Jin feels about him? Or rather, how did he feels about Jin?

All seems to be in a mystery. He has to solve this mysterious case by himself in order to get the truth. Kazuya gave a tired sigh.

Since Fate decided to let these two individuals meet and even created the path for the two individuals to walk on together forever, then why made it so difficult for them to sort things out?

Sorting things out was not going to be an easy task. Fate will never produce such an easy route for ‘special lovers’ to walk on smoothly. In order to prove that they are the right ones for each other, in order to reach one another, hand-in-hand, the two persons will have to overcome all the obstacles that are holding for them.

This was only the beginning.

Kazuya made a toss to his left and stared abstractedly into the empty room.

Emptiness. Blank. Vacancy. He… doesn’t know he should hate it or not.

He always knew one thing. All along these years, he hasn’t found anything that he desires, not to mention that he wanted to fight for.

Kazuya recalled what his mother had told him when they were celebrating his eleven years-old birthday at the mega celebration within Kamenashi’s Residence with the presence of many people including Keita and Yamapi.

“Kazuya my dear, Mummy and Daddy are really proud to have you as our son. You will always be the proudest child in our hearts. You are a sweet darling, even without Mummy and Daddy constantly by your side; you still grow up to be an obedient and clever child.” Mrs. Kamenashi smiled and asked. “And you will always continue to do that, ne?”

Yes, he has grown up to be an obedient son. His parents are very proud of him indeed. And Kazuya never wants to fail and disappoint them. However… that was not what Kazuya desires. He doesn’t feel truthfully contented with it. Because of that, emptiness always invited itself into his heart selfishly. Even if he wanted to shut the door and locked it tightly, he just couldn’t.

Just then, Keita’s words came ranging in his head next.

“Sometimes, it’s fine to be alone. But, Kazu, that doesn’t make us feel lonely. They are two different things. It is not the issue of being there with someone, but an issue of being there to someone.”

Yes, now that he understood it, it was really different. And he kept bearing the thought of hasn’t finding the thing or someone he desires in his heart till now.

Now, he has finally found it after waiting for so long. He won’t be alone again. He won’t be lonely anymore. There was someone he needed to get, to fight for.

And that was Jin.

He has never fall in love with anyone before he met Jin. He did not receive love from anyone, neither has he share his precious first love with anyone yet. In simple words, he doesn’t even know how to love. So how do you love a person? How was he going to love Jin?

Why is ‘love’ such a difficult thing to understand!? Why must it be so complicated? Can’t it be as simple as breathing? Kazuya gave a frustrated scratch on his head and messed up his originally neat hair.

Then Kazuya was reminded by his memory about that one time when he was discussing about this topic on ‘love’ with Yamapi and Keita.

~ FLASHBACK ~

“Ne, don’t you two think that being able to get married is the most blissful thing in the world?” Yamapi asked.

“Nope, not only to just get married. I think being able to get married with someone you love is then considered as the most blissful thing in the world.” Keita voiced out his opinion.

Yamapi sat there and listened. He nodded his head once, twice then opened his mouth to reply. “Yeah, I think you do make sense. Getting married is not just the blissful thing. Being able to get married with your loved one is then considered as blessed. Kei! You’re clever!”

Keita laughed out. “This is not the issue of being clever or not, isn’t it?” Keita turned to Kazuya who hadn’t spoken since Yamapi started off this topic. “Kazu-chan?”

“…Hmm?” Kazuya gave a faint reply as he was still pondering over the conversation of his two best friends.

“What are you thinking about?”

“…Nothing.”

“Kazu-chan…”

“Okay…” Kazuya gave up; knowing Keita would just keep pestering him till he said the truth. “I was thinking maybe it’s not as easy as what you have mentioned? I think that maybe it will be quite hard to get married with someone we really love, especially with a background like mine.”

‘There Kazuya goes again.’ Keita thought. He always knows that Kazuya is one who can’t trust things that easily. Not even ‘love’, so not to mention about the point of getting married with the loved one.

“I can understand. Because usually regarding people like us, most of them, their marriages are always being arranged for the beneficial values of their family companies. So probably, in our case, we won’t be any exceptions too. Is that what you meant, Kazu-chan?”

“Yeah… moreover, I think it will be hard for me to find someone whom I can really place my whole piece of trust and love in them. So I guess love will always be an ‘out’ for me.”

“Don’t put it that way, Kazu-chan. We are still young anyway. It is just that you have not met the right one yet. When the right one comes along, your mindset will be changed automatically. Trust me.” Keita encouraged.

“Oh, come to think of it, Kame-chan, why hasn’t you start to get a lover? Be it a girlfriend, or boyfriend, you know, in case you swing that way…” Yamapi piped in.

“PI!”

“What? I am serious. I mean I don’t mind if you actually loves a guy. I am sure Keita won’t mind that too, right Kei?”

“Yeah. I am perfectly fine with it. What is wrong with a guy falling in love with another guy? Aren’t there are similar cases lying across the whole world on people falling in love with the same gender? Anyway, love hasn’t got anything to do with gender. That’s my belief.”

“Hmm, I second that.” Yamapi agreed.

Kazuya felt himself shrinking more into his seat.

“Okay, leave that aside, now my interest is… why didn’t you try to get someone to fall in love with?” Yamapi asked again, this time, in a serious tone.

“Well… it’s not easy. I mean, not easy to find one whom I can at least place my trust on. So, there is no point for me to grab any random person to fall in love with just for the sake of wanting to be in love, right? Like what Kei has said, if there is this right person for me, I am sure when he… or she turns up, I will know and I will try my best to achieve the love I deserves.”

“True… Kazu-chan is just being practical. He doesn’t want to waste time on those whom he thinks is not the right one for him.” Keita considered what Kazuya had just told them.

“Yeah, I always think that ‘love’ is a thing that needs to be waited with patience and search for thoroughly because the most important factor is the feeling that lies beneath it. I rather gain nothing from ‘love’ and stay alone until I meet the right person. I believe that I will definitely meet this right person some day, irregardless of how long I need to wait in the process.”

Yamapi and Keita stared at him in awe.

“What?” Kazuya asked feeling slightly flustered.

“Kazu, you really speak maturely ne…” Both Keita and Yamapi nodded their head simultaneously in mutual agreement.

“Well… I tend to think a lot, not that you two are not aware of, right? And I had wanted to ask this. Don’t you think It’s scary when you love a person so much or even stay with him, I mean, or her for a long time, but yet when we split and goes on our separate ways, you can no longer keep in touch with them? This scares me… Like someone who used to be a complete stranger becomes the person who is the closest to you but goes away again. I don’t think I can handle this.”

~ END OF FLASHBACK ~